Some who might read this will know what I have shared about my relationship with my father, or lack there of. I just dont know what to do. I have hated him for so long. I have so much hurt and anger when I think about him and I hate that I feel that way towards him. But I dont know how to fix it, I dont know if it is something that can be fixed or that I want to fix.
I watched a show today where a gal on the show got a call from her father essentially from his death bed asking to see her. She had a lot of the same relationship with her father that I have with mine. I dont want to be her. I dont want to get that call hearing that he is almost gone or that he is gone and nothing has been resolved. But I also dont know if I have it in me to take that step to reach out to him and open a dialogue with him in hopes of coming to some sort of a resolution.
I guess what I am doing is asking for some input perhaps. Yeah this opens me up for ugliness as well and if that is what someone chooses to do then so be it I cant control that but I am just looking for some input.
Thanks.
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I don't really know what to tell you but I have a similar situation with my Father. I got married 7 years ago and it was quick 4 months met to married and I was told I have no idea how much I hurt him in doing that. So he disowned me hasn't spoken to me in 7+ years, he's never met his grandchildren and had never responded to any correspondence. So I guess I would say that he needs to show some sort of desire to have a relationship in order for you to put yourself out there. Just this last year I stopped trying, he was getting B-day, Father's day, Christmas cards and I never got a response. I wrote 1 more letter and said you know what if you want to be apart of our lives then you need to make some sort of effort and I got nothing. That let me know that he really didn't care and I could stop worrying about what might be. Best of Luck this situation is never easy or fun.
ReplyDeleteI know you wrote this post a while ago, but I just want to say that I am so sorry that you are going through this=( I don't know how much has changed in the couple of months since you wrote this post....
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ReplyDeleteNot long after my parents got divorced, he moved a few states away, and we only saw him maybe once a year.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I hated that we had to go there for a week because our relationship had become so estranged. I was growing up, and he was having a hard time letting go of the part of me that was his little girl.
I was stubborn, and I was waiting for him to make the right moves to make our relationship right again.
It was slow going, but I could tell he wanted to turn things around for the better.
Only a few months later, he unexpectedly died from a massive heart attack.
No one ever saw it coming, especially me.
I thought we had time to work things out, and all I did was cheat myself and him out of the last bit of time we had together.
Had I known then what I know now, I would've made every effort in the world to put the pieces back together and have that relationship with my dad.
It is the biggest regret of my life, and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself.
Hi Shannon. Just dropping by and followed.
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't know much about the situation you are posting about I appreciate your blunt honesty and resiliency.
I've talked to you a few times on blog frog and always enjoyed your down to earth attitude. I am looking forward to learning more about you.